Nine: Cheese, glorious Cheese!

It probably seems a little odd to write a post just about cheese, but right now I don’t care because I’m too excited! That is because my tasting box from The West Country Cheese Co. has just arrived and I can’t wait to eat it all!!

A little context… I’m getting married in July and although we’re having an actual wedding cake (it has Pac Man cookies on it!) we wanted a cheese cake too, because cheese is one of our most beloved foods! Seriously… we love cheese! I am a very happy bunny when I have cheese and I love having things like a nice cheeseboard or cheese and meats (If you like this and you live in the UK check out Friends of Ham in Leeds) or cheese toasties or mac and cheese or lasagna… or just anything with cheese. (Except blue cheese, I really don’t like blue cheese.)

So, we started looking around and I discovered the West Country Cheese Co and their awesome selection and although they pretty much all have blue cheese in (boo!) they offered to replace it with something else (yay!). So after perusing the delicious options we decided we needed a tasting box because… well… just because it’s an important part of the process right? Plus we got 5 different cheeses to try even though it’s only gonna be 4 tiers because we couldn’t decide on one so we figured that it was worth trying both… it’s a scientific process obviously!

And today it arrived and now I’m pondering whether I can have a couple of cheeky nibbles before my other half comes back or if that would be very suspicious… perhaps he wouldn’t even notice if there were only 4 in the fridge…

Six: Everything Will Be Ok

Today went nothing like I had planned.

The plan was to wake up, go to lectures, chill out and then go to work. It was not to wake up feeling like I had been hit by a freight train of anxiety. But that’s what happened.

I felt awful and it sucked.

I’m very lucky, I don’t feel like this as often as some other people do, but when I have bad days I feel like I’ve been hit by a train and I just can’t cope. When I feel like this, I honestly don’t want to do anything except curl up under a blanket and not interact with the world. Shut myself away, lose myself in something mindless and forget everything.

But usually I can’t do this. I have to get up, smile and pretend that nothing is wrong. Why? Because very few people or places of work take mental health as seriously as physical health. If I rang up and said I had a broken leg or food poisoning then I’d get a sick day but if I ring in and say I’ve had an anxiety attack and I need a day… well I’d probably be laughed at. The only time I’ve ever stayed home due to mental health problems was last year, when I woke up, had a major anxiety attack and cried solidly for half an hour. I was still determined to go to work until my other half physically put me on the sofa, removed my car keys and forced me to stay home. And I told them I’d been sick.

But you know what? Taking a day actually helped. So this morning, I decided to do the same.

I emailed in sick to my lectures and I sat on the sofa, in my pjs, and watched Supernatural (hands down one of my favourite tv shows – ever!). I spoke to my best friend, had a bath and ate toast and by lunchtime I felt a bit better. So I went to work (luckily I was working a shift this afternoon) and it was fairly painless and I got some fresh air. I also treated myself to a Malteaster bunny and a Hot Chocolate Milano from Cafe Nero –  because it’s the best hot chocolate ever and because my healthy eating habits go out the window when I feel like this. And yeah I still feel a bit shit this evening, but I’m ok.

I know that everything will be ok in the end. Whether that’s tomorrow or next week, it will get better and it will be ok.

But while things are bad, it’s important to try and take care of yourself.

Have a support network, even if it’s just one person, do things that take your mind off it or make you happier, eat, sleep, watch a good tv show or film, read a book or a magazine or fanfiction. Everyone copes differently, and what makes one person feel better won’t always work for another.

But please, always remember: Everything Will Be Ok.

 

Three: I hate being late

This is one of my pet hates, I hate being late.

I’m the sort of person that turns up early for anything vaguely important and the only times I’m ever late is usually when I’m with friends and I can get away with it a bit more. Mostly because I’m still often there before anyone anyway…

I’m currently doing my master’s degree and this morning I was late for my lecture.

For one reason or another, my buses were delayed and I was ten minutes late. Even though I’d messaged a friend to tell my lecturer I was going to be late and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, I could still feel the horrible curl of anxiety in my gut.

That’s what it boils down to, I hate being late because of the anxiety it gives me.

Truthfully, I’m alot better than I used to be: I once left my flat about 40 minutes earlier than I had to get to somewhere about 10 minutes down the road because I was worried about finding somewhere to park. I was so early I just sat in my car for half an hour before it became acceptable to arrive where I needed to be. I definitely not that bad any more.

But I still felt the horrible sickness in my gut and I had to take several deep breaths before I could open the door and slide in to a seat near the door. Did my lecturer care? I’m pretty sure he didn’t. Did the rest of my class care? Probably not. So why do I still get worked up over such a simple, small thing?

It’s a one word answer: anxiety.

Sometimes, I’m very lucky and I can forget I have to live with it. But little events like this remind me that it never really goes away and all I can do is take deep breathes, make sure I do everything I can to make myself feel a little calmer and keep going.

Once upon a time, I probably would have skipped that lecture. But today I didn’t and that (for me) is a success! Plus the sun was out today and it was an absolutely beautiful spring day and seeing the sunshine made me feel alot better! Also milkshakes – milkshakes are good!

Two: Rocket Lollipops Make Everything Awesome

I am becoming more and more grateful that my better half is a science teacher. Why? Because I get awesome presents from school trips!

Last week it was the Natural History Museum (T-Rex lolly and a pen) and today it was the Space Centre – hence the rocket lolly and giant, orange pencil. Who doesn’t love sugar covered in dinosaurs or spaceships?!

It seems like such a stupidly small thing to get excited about; a lollipop and a pencil, but today I’ve been stuck in the depths of masters dissertation research and early drama essays. It feels a bit like wading through mud… really thick, mind-numbing, soul sucking mud… and to be honest just getting a lemon lollipop with a rocket on it made my day that tiny bit brighter! (Plus, not gonna lie, it tastes pretty awesome too!)

So, here’s to the little things whether it’s lemon lollipops, giant pencils, chocolate biscuits or a little bit of sunshine. Sometimes it’s just the simple things or tiny details that make a whole day worth it!