Ten: Sometimes Anxiety is a Ninja

Sometimes anxiety is a ninja… it sneaks up and attacks when you least expect it. 

You can’t see it coming and you really aren’t expecting it. There are no indications, no symptoms, no triggers and then it hits you and you find yourself having a full blown anxiety attack in the middle of a restaurant. Which is exactly what happened to me today…

Seriously, I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t even realise it was happening until I had the sudden urge to sit and cry and I couldn’t breathe properly. My other half didn’t realise it was happening either and thought I was just being grumpy (I think?) and it made it worse until he twigged and then apologised like crazy… which made me worse again.

Looking back now I can kinda figure out what triggered it but it’s hazy. It also seems really stupid.

But that’s the problem with anxiety. Sometimes it’s ridiculously tiny things that can set me off. Public speaking in front of a roomful of academics? No problem. Going to a different restaurant than planned and being presented with a different menu than you thought (turns out they do different things on Saturday) – full blown anxious meltdown.

I was having a pretty awesome day but after this I felt like crap. Like I’d ruined everything. And I was so tired. Absolutely knackered. In fact I went home, crashed and slept for two hours – which actually made me feel better. It was like hitting a reset button and the rest of my afternoon/evening was pretty great.

I was lucky today. I was able to reset my mood and I had things to distract me this afternoon because I’d already promised I go to the gym with a friend and when I woke up it was too late to cancel. It actually really helped… Plus we also went for a nice walk in the sunshine and watched the newly acquired Moana, one of my new favourite Disney movies! (Good moves on the part of my other half!)

But sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes I spend the rest of the day in a little pit of anxious despair. And it sucks and I hate it! But sometimes… sometimes it leaves as quickly as it came and I can pick up where I left off. It’s like a storm that passes through and leaves blue sky behind. You wouldn’t know it had happened.

Sometimes anxiety is like a ninja: it attacks you unseen and disappears without warning. 

(Image comes from when I last made ninja gingerbread with my absolute favourite cutters!!)

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