Today went nothing like I had planned.
The plan was to wake up, go to lectures, chill out and then go to work. It was not to wake up feeling like I had been hit by a freight train of anxiety. But that’s what happened.
I felt awful and it sucked.
I’m very lucky, I don’t feel like this as often as some other people do, but when I have bad days I feel like I’ve been hit by a train and I just can’t cope. When I feel like this, I honestly don’t want to do anything except curl up under a blanket and not interact with the world. Shut myself away, lose myself in something mindless and forget everything.
But usually I can’t do this. I have to get up, smile and pretend that nothing is wrong. Why? Because very few people or places of work take mental health as seriously as physical health. If I rang up and said I had a broken leg or food poisoning then I’d get a sick day but if I ring in and say I’ve had an anxiety attack and I need a day… well I’d probably be laughed at. The only time I’ve ever stayed home due to mental health problems was last year, when I woke up, had a major anxiety attack and cried solidly for half an hour. I was still determined to go to work until my other half physically put me on the sofa, removed my car keys and forced me to stay home. And I told them I’d been sick.
But you know what? Taking a day actually helped. So this morning, I decided to do the same.
I emailed in sick to my lectures and I sat on the sofa, in my pjs, and watched Supernatural (hands down one of my favourite tv shows – ever!). I spoke to my best friend, had a bath and ate toast and by lunchtime I felt a bit better. So I went to work (luckily I was working a shift this afternoon) and it was fairly painless and I got some fresh air. I also treated myself to a Malteaster bunny and a Hot Chocolate Milano from Cafe Nero – because it’s the best hot chocolate ever and because my healthy eating habits go out the window when I feel like this. And yeah I still feel a bit shit this evening, but I’m ok.
I know that everything will be ok in the end. Whether that’s tomorrow or next week, it will get better and it will be ok.
But while things are bad, it’s important to try and take care of yourself.
Have a support network, even if it’s just one person, do things that take your mind off it or make you happier, eat, sleep, watch a good tv show or film, read a book or a magazine or fanfiction. Everyone copes differently, and what makes one person feel better won’t always work for another.
But please, always remember: Everything Will Be Ok.