This is one of my pet hates, I hate being late.
I’m the sort of person that turns up early for anything vaguely important and the only times I’m ever late is usually when I’m with friends and I can get away with it a bit more. Mostly because I’m still often there before anyone anyway…
I’m currently doing my master’s degree and this morning I was late for my lecture.
For one reason or another, my buses were delayed and I was ten minutes late. Even though I’d messaged a friend to tell my lecturer I was going to be late and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, I could still feel the horrible curl of anxiety in my gut.
That’s what it boils down to, I hate being late because of the anxiety it gives me.
Truthfully, I’m alot better than I used to be: I once left my flat about 40 minutes earlier than I had to get to somewhere about 10 minutes down the road because I was worried about finding somewhere to park. I was so early I just sat in my car for half an hour before it became acceptable to arrive where I needed to be. I definitely not that bad any more.
But I still felt the horrible sickness in my gut and I had to take several deep breaths before I could open the door and slide in to a seat near the door. Did my lecturer care? I’m pretty sure he didn’t. Did the rest of my class care? Probably not. So why do I still get worked up over such a simple, small thing?
It’s a one word answer: anxiety.
Sometimes, I’m very lucky and I can forget I have to live with it. But little events like this remind me that it never really goes away and all I can do is take deep breathes, make sure I do everything I can to make myself feel a little calmer and keep going.
Once upon a time, I probably would have skipped that lecture. But today I didn’t and that (for me) is a success! Plus the sun was out today and it was an absolutely beautiful spring day and seeing the sunshine made me feel alot better! Also milkshakes – milkshakes are good!