Twelve: Sometimes Anxiety is Invisible

Hi everyone, apologies for not being around recently. I desperately want to get back to blogging more regularly. I’m back to anxiety again today but I had the sudden realisation that it’s hit me again without me even realising it… which is a scary thought, the fact that I’ve been suffering and I haven’t even noticed.

Because here’s the thing: sometimes, anxiety is invisible – even to those that are struggling. 

The past few days I been exhibiting all of my symptoms: tiredness, insomnia, headaches, irritability, restlessness, difficulty concentrating (at least on what I’m supposed to be concentrating on). And it only just hit me today that I’m struggling. Like a light-bulb moment. Suddenly everything from the past few days makes sense and it’s actually a little bit of a relief, because I know what’s making me feel like this. But it also sucks because I haven’t felt like this is a while.

Sure I’ve had bad days or a bad afternoon but not an extended period of time.

The problem is that I’m terrible at noticing it. I think sometimes, if you have anxiety, you don’t always recognise it and might chalk it up to other things, especially if your life is stressful. I can’t sleep because I’ve got lots to do/coming up or I’m so busy right now, of course I’m tired – they’re all things I use as explanations. I have a couple of friends with anxiety and I know they do the same thing.

Or, it’s because this comes around so often we’re terrible at recognising the change because we’re so used to it. That’s the scarier reason.

The good thing is, at least for me, is that I’ve realised. Even if it’s a couple of days late. Because at least now I can try and do something about it. At least I can tell my other half I’m struggling. Another problem with anxiety is that even if you recognise it, you can’t always do anything about it. You can’t magically clap your hands and make everything better – I’d love it if I could. Sometimes the things that help, are things you just don’t feel like doing. Cooking, reading, watching certain television shows – they all make me feel better and yet right now I don’t really want to do any of them.

A part of this is because I am tired and have no energy and another part is that I have a mammoth amount of work due for my postgraduate course, which I’m struggling to get done. It’s 99.9% the reason I’m feeling like this which sucks because I love studying and I love my course, but right now I feel like I can’t do the work and so I don’t, which makes everything worse. I sometimes I serious procrastination issues which I am well aware don’t make things any better!

So, what am I trying to say here?

I’m trying to say that sometimes anxiety, or any mental health issue, is invisible to those who are suffering. If it sneaks up on you slowly, you don’t even notice it until it’s too late and you feel totally overwhelmed.

So be kind to yourself. Recognition is sometimes the first step. And from there, you can start to move forward, even if it is only very slowly. I promise you, we can do this. It might just take time, but eventually we will get there.

 

I have Instagram!

After much ummming and ahhhing and generally anxious procastination, I now have Instagram!

I’m very new to to this but I like it already – mostly because I can be super nosey and see everyone’s lovely (and awesome) photos.

Anyhoo… please feel free to come and say hi and I will (attempt) to do the same!

Eleven: Super Star Wars Week

So this week, I had not one but TWO awesome reasons to have happy meltdowns over Star Wars! Firstly, we had the release of Rogue One (here in the UK) and the yesterday we were graced with the first teaser for The Last Jedi – I don’t think I could have been happier if I’d tried.

Star Was is one of my absolute favourite franchises in the world. If I am sad, I watch Star Wars. If I am happy, I watch Star Wars. If I am bored or anxious or trying to pass time, I watch Star Wars. It is always there for me and continues to make me very, very happy! Plus, A New Hope can definitely be counted as one of my all time favourite films. I remember the first time my mum showed it to me and I was absolutely mesmerised and even though I’ve seen it more times that I can actually count, I still adore it and I can pretty much quote the entire thing, line by line…

I have to say that Rogue One might be joining it near the top of that list. I genuinely loved this film, more than The Force Awakens if I’m being totally honest, and I enjoyed being able to see a slightly darker and more ambiguous characters. Cassian himself admits he has done terrible things for the rebellion, and that’s what makes it so interesting. It’s a film that really blurs the lines between good and evil, giving us a really interesting grey area. Plus K-2SO is one of my favourite droids – Alan Tudyk has an amazing voice for voice acting and his dry sarcasm was just perfect!

Plus I’m now extremely excited for The Last Jedi, although I’m sad I have to wait till Christmas… as per usual we don’t get a lot from a first look trailer but to be honest again, we really don’t need too… I still let out stupid, high pitched fan-girl noises sat on my friend’s sofa while we watched it for the first time and then held my breath when we watched it again! It gave us some lovely little hints, enough to have me completely sold and Mark Hamill’s voice just added the extra little something – plus at least we know Luke speaks in this one…

So, in summary: Star Wars = Amazing. 

And if you haven’t seen it (seriously why not?) the trailer for The Last Jedi is below. Or maybe, like me, you want to watch it again… for prosperity!

Teaser Trailer – Thor: Ragnarok

Okay so I may or may not have let out a tiny, happy squeak when this popped up on my Facebook this afternoon while I was slowly dying of boredom in the library….

Although it’s not coming out until October and I’m already STUPIDLY excited for this movie thanks to this teaser!

I know we’re gearing up for Infinity War at the moment (story wise) so there is bound to be some leaning towards that and some weaving of story lines, but I’m genuinely happy to see the return of Loki and the addition of the Hulk – not just for the addition of extra humour in this clip! I think the overall cast looks pretty good too.

Plus I’m loving the music choice – who doesn’t love a bit of Led Zeppelin? And I think it’s a perfect match to the tone of this trailer. Some of the comments suggested that the style of the trailer reminds them of Guardians of the Galaxy (Volume 2 is another film I can’t wait for!) and I can’t help but agree. It already seems like a lot of fun, with Marvel doing what they do best – telling good stories and not always taking themselves too seriously. Guardians is one of my favourites for a reason…

So, what do you think? Looking forward to the return of Thor or not really fussed? Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And if you haven’t seen the trailer yet, check it out below:

Ten: Sometimes Anxiety is a Ninja

Sometimes anxiety is a ninja… it sneaks up and attacks when you least expect it. 

You can’t see it coming and you really aren’t expecting it. There are no indications, no symptoms, no triggers and then it hits you and you find yourself having a full blown anxiety attack in the middle of a restaurant. Which is exactly what happened to me today…

Seriously, I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t even realise it was happening until I had the sudden urge to sit and cry and I couldn’t breathe properly. My other half didn’t realise it was happening either and thought I was just being grumpy (I think?) and it made it worse until he twigged and then apologised like crazy… which made me worse again.

Looking back now I can kinda figure out what triggered it but it’s hazy. It also seems really stupid.

But that’s the problem with anxiety. Sometimes it’s ridiculously tiny things that can set me off. Public speaking in front of a roomful of academics? No problem. Going to a different restaurant than planned and being presented with a different menu than you thought (turns out they do different things on Saturday) – full blown anxious meltdown.

I was having a pretty awesome day but after this I felt like crap. Like I’d ruined everything. And I was so tired. Absolutely knackered. In fact I went home, crashed and slept for two hours – which actually made me feel better. It was like hitting a reset button and the rest of my afternoon/evening was pretty great.

I was lucky today. I was able to reset my mood and I had things to distract me this afternoon because I’d already promised I go to the gym with a friend and when I woke up it was too late to cancel. It actually really helped… Plus we also went for a nice walk in the sunshine and watched the newly acquired Moana, one of my new favourite Disney movies! (Good moves on the part of my other half!)

But sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes I spend the rest of the day in a little pit of anxious despair. And it sucks and I hate it! But sometimes… sometimes it leaves as quickly as it came and I can pick up where I left off. It’s like a storm that passes through and leaves blue sky behind. You wouldn’t know it had happened.

Sometimes anxiety is like a ninja: it attacks you unseen and disappears without warning. 

(Image comes from when I last made ninja gingerbread with my absolute favourite cutters!!)

Nine: Cheese, glorious Cheese!

It probably seems a little odd to write a post just about cheese, but right now I don’t care because I’m too excited! That is because my tasting box from The West Country Cheese Co. has just arrived and I can’t wait to eat it all!!

A little context… I’m getting married in July and although we’re having an actual wedding cake (it has Pac Man cookies on it!) we wanted a cheese cake too, because cheese is one of our most beloved foods! Seriously… we love cheese! I am a very happy bunny when I have cheese and I love having things like a nice cheeseboard or cheese and meats (If you like this and you live in the UK check out Friends of Ham in Leeds) or cheese toasties or mac and cheese or lasagna… or just anything with cheese. (Except blue cheese, I really don’t like blue cheese.)

So, we started looking around and I discovered the West Country Cheese Co and their awesome selection and although they pretty much all have blue cheese in (boo!) they offered to replace it with something else (yay!). So after perusing the delicious options we decided we needed a tasting box because… well… just because it’s an important part of the process right? Plus we got 5 different cheeses to try even though it’s only gonna be 4 tiers because we couldn’t decide on one so we figured that it was worth trying both… it’s a scientific process obviously!

And today it arrived and now I’m pondering whether I can have a couple of cheeky nibbles before my other half comes back or if that would be very suspicious… perhaps he wouldn’t even notice if there were only 4 in the fridge…

Eight: In which I discover a new favourite sport!

Today is one of those super relaxed Sundays where I spend the whole day doing very little and only put on ‘proper clothes’ some time in the afternoon. And the only reason I’m doing so is because I need to go outside and nip to a shop – sad times!

But I digress… this week I’ve actually discovered some new: Ice Hockey!

Now I’m not really stupid, I’ve known about ice hockey for a while but this week I went to watch my first match which was for university varsity – basically my university play the other university in my city at pretty much every sport and whoever wins the most sports wins the series!

I was told that ice hockey was the absolute must watch, especially because it’s played at the National Ice Centre, and since the tickets were cheap my friends decided to give it a try. And I LOVED it! It was the best night I’ve had in ages – I laughed, I screamed, I cursed and I cheered. And even though we lost (boo!) I was well and truly hooked.

I don’t know whether it was because it’s fast paced and fun or whether because it was violent (I suspect it might be more of the latter) but I desperately wanted to watch more.

We actually have a pretty good team right here in Nottingham: The GMB Panthers! So I decided to see if there were any matches left in the season and I was in luck… there were quarter final playoffs at home last night and there were still tickets available! So dragging my other half along with me, we headed off to watch the Panthers and cement my new found love for the sport even further!

Yeah sure I don’t know alot of the rules, but the internet has helped. But I did have a fantastic evening and I’m desperately hoping that they get through to the next round (we won the first leg but there’s the away leg to play tonight!) so I can go again. Failing that I guess I’ll be waiting till next season.

It’s funny, I’m not always good with big crowds and lots of noise but as long as I feel safe and I’m with people I know, I can cope with sports. I’m not sure how I’d feel about a stadium of a hundred thousand but right now I can cope with ten thousand. Especially if it involves ice hockey and ends with Caramel Egg McFlurries!

20170401_220658

Game of Thrones Season 7 – New Look!

So although I want to bemoan that we don’t get any more Game of Thrones until July (Nearly 3 whole months away!!) when we get promos like this, I really don’t care!

Although we’ve had one short promo already this year, which finally gave us an air date, this one is the first one to feature any of the characters we’ve grown to love/hate. I know some people aren’t fond of the trailer’s music but I actually really like it and think it provides a great contrasting effect.

Just like always, the production team don’t want to give too much away but there are some interesting little things we can possibly take away; winter has finally come and Daenerys has arrived at what could be Dragonstone, the ancestral seat of House Targaryen.

But for now we’ll just have to be content with this until the series finally airs in July (16th US, 17th UK – I believe). Luckily for me it’s released just before my birthday so it’s a nice little early birthday present which should console me against the fact that this series is the penultimate one!

Spider-Man: Homecoming – New Trailer

So Marvel have dropped the brand new trailer for Spider-Man: Homecoming, which lands this July, and I have to say I love it!

After a tease or two and a first trailer, this one gives us a much better look at what we can expect from our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man this time round. My initial reaction when I first heard about this movie was dread coupled with the a despairing not another Spider-Man film attitude – I still love the Tobey Maguire ones – but this has definitely changed my mind!

I’m super excited to see Robert Downey Jr popping up as what looks like some form of mentor/father figure? It’ll be interesting to see how this builds on their relationship from Captain America: Civil War and whether any of the other Avengers makes an appearance. Plus it looks like it should feed nicely into the continuing Marvel narrative.

Anyway, take a peek below and let me know what you think!

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑