Hi everyone, apologies for not being around recently. I desperately want to get back to blogging more regularly. I’m back to anxiety again today but I had the sudden realisation that it’s hit me again without me even realising it… which is a scary thought, the fact that I’ve been suffering and I haven’t even noticed.
Because here’s the thing: sometimes, anxiety is invisible – even to those that are struggling.
The past few days I been exhibiting all of my symptoms: tiredness, insomnia, headaches, irritability, restlessness, difficulty concentrating (at least on what I’m supposed to be concentrating on). And it only just hit me today that I’m struggling. Like a light-bulb moment. Suddenly everything from the past few days makes sense and it’s actually a little bit of a relief, because I know what’s making me feel like this. But it also sucks because I haven’t felt like this is a while.
Sure I’ve had bad days or a bad afternoon but not an extended period of time.
The problem is that I’m terrible at noticing it. I think sometimes, if you have anxiety, you don’t always recognise it and might chalk it up to other things, especially if your life is stressful. I can’t sleep because I’ve got lots to do/coming up or I’m so busy right now, of course I’m tired – they’re all things I use as explanations. I have a couple of friends with anxiety and I know they do the same thing.
Or, it’s because this comes around so often we’re terrible at recognising the change because we’re so used to it. That’s the scarier reason.
The good thing is, at least for me, is that I’ve realised. Even if it’s a couple of days late. Because at least now I can try and do something about it. At least I can tell my other half I’m struggling. Another problem with anxiety is that even if you recognise it, you can’t always do anything about it. You can’t magically clap your hands and make everything better – I’d love it if I could. Sometimes the things that help, are things you just don’t feel like doing. Cooking, reading, watching certain television shows – they all make me feel better and yet right now I don’t really want to do any of them.
A part of this is because I am tired and have no energy and another part is that I have a mammoth amount of work due for my postgraduate course, which I’m struggling to get done. It’s 99.9% the reason I’m feeling like this which sucks because I love studying and I love my course, but right now I feel like I can’t do the work and so I don’t, which makes everything worse. I sometimes I serious procrastination issues which I am well aware don’t make things any better!
So, what am I trying to say here?
I’m trying to say that sometimes anxiety, or any mental health issue, is invisible to those who are suffering. If it sneaks up on you slowly, you don’t even notice it until it’s too late and you feel totally overwhelmed.
So be kind to yourself. Recognition is sometimes the first step. And from there, you can start to move forward, even if it is only very slowly. I promise you, we can do this. It might just take time, but eventually we will get there.